If you are someone who enjoys writing, you probably take pride in using your skill and knowledge of the language to craft a message that communicates exactly the intended point. The raw materials at your disposal—words—are not unlike those of a sculptor; some are easier to work with than others. So when you can master the harder materials—more obscure words—you might feel a special satisfaction.

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Q: What is the difference between “less than” and “fewer than?”

A: This distinction is one of those linguistic phenomena that is more a matter of style than actual, understandable meaning. No matter which form you use, you will be understood perfectly, but that won’t stop people from calling you a moron on social media forums if you don’t use the “correct” phrase. Well, the Ninja is all for jettisoning useless style rules, but she prefers doing so only after those style rules are learned and understood. It’s the difference between presenting yourself either as an intellectual maverick, or just sounding like a failed reality TV star.

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When the phrase “extinction” is inevitably brought up in polite conversation, there’s a good chance that the first topics that jump into people’s minds are the declining mountain gorilla population or the sorry lack of Mexican grizzly bears in today’s wilderness.

Well, those may not be the primary examples that normal people usually consider, but the sad truth is that extinctions are silently occurring on a level far removed from many people’s minds—the extinction of language!

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Disclaimer: I’ve never been skydiving.

The first step of blogging, like skydiving, is making the commitment to do it. Once you’ve decided you’re going to skydive, you’ve got to decide on a method for your jump. Are you going in tandem? How about an accelerated free fall? Or should you static line that bad boy?

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As the subject of much woeful head-shaking among English teachers and grammar snobs, text and Twitter lingo have long been blamed for ruining the way we now communicate. (Because we were such bastions of language excellence before, I guess? #scapegoat)

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My father was a bit of a joker when I was a kid. “They’re coming to get you!” he’d say at the sound of police sirens in the distance. I developed a Pavlovian response to law enforcement and an excessive respect for authority as a result of his chiding. A look back on all of the ways I could have rebelled but didn’t is a glimpse into my misspent youth.

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The prevalence of homonyms in the English language is significant, almost as if homonyms were some deliberate linguistic choice designed to frustrate native speakers and secondary language students alike. A piece of peace, the imminent capital in the eminent capitol, a man you meet seen whining at a wine and meat scene. For those unfamiliar with the subtleties of the English vocabulary, it can be enough to make you bang your head against the wall.

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Happy springtime, everyone! The Ninja’s back, and answering more burning language usage questions. Let’s get crackin’!

Q: What is the difference between “further” and “farther?” Is there any real difference?

A: To answer both your questions succinctly: The existence of physical distance, and sort of.

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Epic fail.

Literally the best.

The most amazing.

The absolute worst.

These superlative descriptions are best reserved for, respectively, the sinking of the Titanic, invention of the wheel, the Great Pyramid of Giza and the 1918 flu pandemic.

Today, it’s hard to know where you stand when something as minor as burnt toast can be considered an epic fail, or a particularly good burger becomes literally the best thing ever. An affliction of modern discourse is our penchant for exaggeration. Having been a vegetarian for seventeen years, to me there are few foods that come close to the glory that is a nice thick juicy burger. But let’s not get carried away; I’ve had ups and downs, but my life would be pretty grim if a hunk of ground beef was literally the best thing ever.

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Envision a gothic fantasy tale, with a blood-sucking horror sitting at a piano. His cold, pale hands dance over the white, glistening keys of the ancient instrument as his haggard, wet breath exits his chest in a tremendous gray cloud of cold, damp vapor.

Your skin may have crawled a little while reading that, but not because the tremendous number of descriptors painted a vivid picture in your mind. In fact, you may have even been distracted by how many words were used to say something so simple. This is an example of the danger of over-reliance on adjectives in your descriptions.

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